This is Sharon blogging from southern mississippi. As John says "the hits just keep on coming". When I arrived in Hattiesburg I wrote a huge check from our suffering bank account for a new air conditioning unit for our home we have for sale in mississippi. Also for the repairs to the house from the old air conditioner malfunctioning. We have a contingency offer on our home and the potential buyers had a home inspection performed last week. Well, the inspector noted some moisture he believed might be from the roof. The buyers wanted out, even before they inquired whether we would repair the damages, if any. So, house still on the market (1 1/2 years), meeting with a roofer on monday and possibly having to buy a new roof - wow that's really awful - but wait - it gets better (or worse).
Viktor is having huge doubts about wanting to be adopted and moving to the states. Unfortunately this is happening before our court date next week. Should we go to court and he tells the judge he doesn't want to be adopted - game over. Viktor has been living with us since September 2nd and court is scheduled for September 19th. Shortly after he arrived the kids from O-21 who were attending trade school near our flat started visiting our apartment. At first, they came over to watch movies, play games, and get fed. Then they started going on outings with john and viktor. Sometimes john would let Viktor go out with them and Viktor was very concientious to call and be home right on time. Viktor has seen the relative freedom the kids get after trade school is over each day - a drastic change from orphanage life and a very alluring life to a 16 year old. Of course, as a child he lives in the moment without very much thought to the future, or what life may offer after trade school for an orphan in Ukraine. He has no family what-so-ever to rely on when things get tough, as they certainly will. We have the option of cutting off access to his friends but don't believe that will help our case before court. We have expressed our understanding of his fears and our great desire for him to be in our family, but at 16 and before court, we are limited in what we can MAKE him do. With Zhenia today he was very disrespectful. We have expected this at some point (usually when they are denied something they desire- but that hasn't happened yet), but not before the adoption was finalized. I hate that john is going through this alone. As an adult we can see all the potential pitfalls and hardships he will face if he stays. Selfishly, we have already placed him in our life and feel like we are losing a child as his fears grow. On Tuesday Zhenia is supposed to meet with john and viktor to discuss the reality and try to figure out how to proceed. I fervently ask for your prayers (if you're not worn out from our constant request) and support for viktor and for my husband, alone in a foreign country and living with a resentful teenager. This has been such a long and frustrating journey to end in such heartbreak. The doubts and fears for these kids is VERY normal and something they all seem to go through, but many times it is closer to the time they go home and after the court hearing. We pray that viktor will have a change of heart, at least long enough for the adoption to go through and for us to work on his fears, and/or that God will show us how to proceed without the adoption happening. After all, we never had control of this situation, only God. John may decide to write later to give more info, but I wanted to get the prayers going right away.
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all our prayers are with you.
How hard to be split during this time! Praying for you all and the house! God Bless!
wow - that is so difficult. I'll be praying that he has wise counsel from people he trusts who can help give him a better picture of what life would be like for him without a family . . . These kids just can't even imagine - and they are being forced to make an adult decision with a child's maturity. I'll be praying that the calendar moves quickly :) and you get to court and he says YES. I know the uncertainty must be very difficult. I know many kids have been adopted from his orphanage - are there any in the states that he can talk to for reassurance that a family and america is a good thing???
Sharon -
Just wanted to let you know that I just got off the phone with John and we are planning on having Ryan call Viktor tomorrow and share his insights about life on this side of the ocean (and about life on this side of the adoption process).
Please know that we love your family and are praying for all of you. As a matter of fact, I just finished praying for you and was spending some time in a devotional when I "stumbled" across this passage. It's long but I hope that it offers some encouragement.
I will praise the lord according to his righteousness, And will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High. Psalm 7:17...
O My people, My chosen ones, I love you with an everlasting love, and with the cords of My faithfuless I have bound you to Myself. I am not a man that I should lie but all I have promised, I will surely do, so that the Father may be glorified in you, and that you may bear much fruit.
I have promised you My grace, in order that you may extend to others love like Mine, which flows forth in the face of hostility. When you were an enemy of God, Christ died for you. Calvary love was given not only for friends but also for enemies. I want to teach you how to love with Calvary love.
Remember that I am in the midst of you when you praise Me. Never let any kind of anxiety crowd out your praise. Do not be concerned for My reputation. I have withstood many storms, and I will survive this one. Human strivings are like the waters around Gibraltar. They have beat upon the rock, but they have not changed it. I am not disturbed, and I forbid you to be anxious.
For anxiety produces tension, and tension erodes joy; and when joy is gone, victory is lost, faith is weakened, and spontaneity is destroyed. The spirit falls ill. The salt has lost its flavor. What can I use to preserve My work in your midst if you lose your joy?
Rejoice always, said the Apostle Paul -- and again I say rejoice. Let your stability be apparent to all, for truly, the coming of the Lord is near. Prepare yourselves, and be strong; for it is the Lord who upholds you and He it is who gives you the victory.
Sing, My children, and let the shout of praise be heard: For the Lord is mighty, and His Name is glorious.
We are in the process of adopting a boy from Kiev. He just moved to a trade school after graduating from an orphanage in the spring. He spent four weeks with us during the summer as part of a hosting program. We have the same concern as you...that he has gotten a taste of freedom and may decide he likes that better than a family. I would love to hear more about the life these kids lead while they are at the trade school. You are experiencing it first hand. I've spoken to our son but communication over the phone is hard...no charades! We will be praying for you!
Lord, please guide Viktor to know in his heart that the few freedoms he would enjoy are nothing compared to the treasures of being in this loving family. Please guide this family to feel your love and support. I pray fervently that Viktor will realize his love for his new parents, that he will conquer his fear of all he doesn't know and will agree to the adoption this Friday. Amen, Jeri
I don't know what to say. . . I am so saddened by all you are going thru, I can imagine that there are moments when you want to cry out to God and ask him to explain why these things are happening. . . The sad thing is even if He explained His reasoning, we would never understand. . . Just like a 2yr old never understands why they can't eat 10 suckers... In our 'immaturity' it will take many many years to understand why God allows us to experience these things. . .
Oh my, I am praying so for your family. . . for a peace in whatever comes in the days ahead. I pray for your rest tonight as you try to prepare for the morning. . . and whatever adventure lies ahead!
Sharon, I know we talked today but I just want to put in writing to remind you that I am praying continuously for you (as are many others.) Sometimes it is hard to understand the pain we go through to be God's very best plan for us, but we must cling to that knowledge without fail. My fervent prayer is for Satan to be soundly defeated in his games and Viktor come home with you. There are too many praying to not be heard.
John, this is for you. I can't imagine the challenge facing you but God has put you there during this time instead of the ever-patient Sharon for a very specific reason. Don't let the childish behavior of a lonely, defiant teenager break you down. You are a wonderful father, husband, friend, and child of God. Use every ounce of grace you have and let Him work through you to accomplish whatever His goal may be. We hope it will be what we want but if not, we will all still praise God and go on. We love you both--actually all five of you--and can't wait for you to come home.
John and Sharon,
Your family was on my mind and heart until late last night. My children and I prayed for Viktor to see that being part of his own forever family would be the best thing he could do. I had a thought...John, I'm wondering if maybe Viktor would get a reality feel if you stopped paying for things for him. With Zhenya (sp?) explaining to him,"Your family loves you and believes the only way you can make a true choice is to understand what it would be like for you if you did not have a father and mother here to provide for you. So, John is not going to buy treats or take you places. You must provide for yourself as you would living in the trade school. Any extras, you need to find the way to pay for." This would be tough love but that and finding some kids that have been "on their own" for a couple of years might help him see the reality beyond doing what he wants to. Hang in there, Jeri
Sharon -
Wanted to share another update with you in case you haven't talked to John yet today...
Ryan talked to Viktor for about 10 minutes this morning and was very reassured that Viktor loves all of you, wants to be in your family, and wants to come here to live with you. Ryan said that Viktor is feeling pressured by his friends there to not be adopted (just as Ryan was 9 months ago) but that Viktor knows that this is what is best for him and has no plans of backing out. Viktor's friends don't mean any harm, but it hurts them to not be one of the "chosen ones" and I am sure that it is easier to pretend that you wouldn't want to be in Viktor's position then to admit how much it hurts.
We experienced a lot of these same things with Ryan just prior to court and then after court it was like he put all of that behind him and was ready to go. (As a matter of fact, every day after court he asked -- several times a day -- "When we go America? Why we not go today?".) I think as much as anything else, children in this situation pull away a little before court because they feel like they have gotten so close to reaching their dream (a dream that Viktor dare not even have until last December) and now they are very scared to have it all taken away at the last moment. Life has been a series of disappointments and letdowns up until now so they really have no reason to believe that this will turn out any differently.
After the experiences that we had with Ryan in Ukraine (and continue to have periodically), we know first-hand how much it hurts to love a child so much and to feel like they are rejecting you, your love, and the life that you are offering them. But the biggest lesson for me throughout our adoption process was discovering how much more I hurt my Heavenly Father every time I reject Him, His love, and the life that He offers to me. Just as all of us grow and mature and learn to trust the Lord a little more through each trial that we experience, so to will Viktor as he sees that your love is unconditional, that you are faithful, and that you can be trusted with his heart.
We love all of you and will continue to pray!!
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